Curious about navigating love across miles, are you questioning if it's worth it?
Take it from someone who lived it.
We met in Austria – two college students from different American schools who just happened to study abroad in the same place at the same time. We fell in love in Rome, traveled through the Holy Land, shared our dreams over cappuccinos as springtime blossomed in the foothills of the Alps. We spent four months building something that felt truly alive. But reality hit on the plane ride home – we were heading back to different states, 10 hours apart. And a long-distance relationship.
Long-distance has a reputation – many couples dread it, some outright refuse it. But after three years of making it work (including through the chaos of COVID lockdowns), and now being married to the man I fell for on those cobblestone streets, I’m here to say: It’s possible. And not only possible – it can be beautiful.
If you’re considering long distance or just looking for hope while you're in it, here's how we didn’t just survive – but thrived.
Why it’s worth it
The truth is no one wants long-distance. It's inconvenient, often lonely, and definitely challenging. But love – real love – isn’t built on convenience or perfect circumstances. It’s built on commitment, sacrifice, and a shared desire to move forward together, hopefully toward a lifelong future.
If you’ve found someone who is equally yoked with you in values, vision, and maturity, distance shouldn’t be the thing that stops you. When you're dating with intention – truly seeking your future spouse – every challenge becomes part of your foundation. We often travel for a vacation or an outstanding meal, and make sacrifices for school, a passion, or work. It’s worth asking if we would be willing to do the same for what could end up as the most important relationship in our lives?
Of course, every couple and relationship has a different story, and the commitment of long-distance requires true discernment. Realistically, the challenge of long-distance can’t be sustained by a casual fling or a relationship with a lack of clarity or potential. But if you’re dating seriously, with marriage in mind, distance – though hard – can become a powerful tool for discernment, not a barrier to it.
And here’s something else to consider: If you limit your potential spouse to whoever happens to live nearby, you might unintentionally close the door on someone truly extraordinary. Sometimes, the person you’re meant to build a life with isn’t within your zip code, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth the struggle.
Top tips for sustaining a long-distance relationship
1. Consistent communication (it’s everything)
This might sound obvious, but it truly can’t be overstated. Communication is the backbone of every relationship – and in long-distance, it’s your lifeline. We made it a point to talk and text every single day, even if it was just for five minutes to say, “I’m thinking of you.” Sometimes that meant late-night phone calls, midday voice memos, or video chats between classes.
But it’s not just more communication – it’s intentional communication. Share the highs and lows, not just logistics. Be fully present during your calls, even if you’re tired or distracted. And yes, sometimes it’s okay to just sit on FaceTime while you both do homework. Presence – even virtual – is powerful. You can never really talk to each other too much, so long as you’re staying as integrated as possible with whatever other tasks, commitments, or obligations you have to be present to.
That said, it’s also important to respect each other’s schedules and not feel guilty for having full lives apart. Healthy space matters too.
2. Plan visits thoughtfully (and make them count)
We tried to see each other as often as we could, usually every month or sooner. These visits were vital. We didn’t need grand vacations – we just needed togetherness.
Our best visits had a mix of fun activities and downtime with just the two of us. Sometimes we’d go to a local performance or attraction or out with friends, other times we’d cook dinner at home and watch a movie on the couch. We also made it a priority to involve our families and friends when possible, because if we lived nearby, those relationships would be part of our daily rhythm.
Make your visits count, but don’t overpack them. Leave room to just be.
3. Learn to really listen (especially in conflict)
Conflict is part of every relationship. But long distance makes resolving it trickier. No hand-holding. No hugs. No reading body language. It’s easy to misunderstand or feel more hurt than you might in person.
We learned (often the hard way) how to listen well. That meant pausing before reacting, asking follow-up questions, and taking space when needed.
When handled well, conflict in long-distance relationships can actually strengthen your bond. It teaches you to resolve with words, not distractions.
4. Show up when you can (and be gracious when you can’t)
Being there for important events – birthdays, graduations, big performances – matters a lot when you’re long distance. If one of you can make it, go. It shows your commitment to their world and gives others a chance to see your relationship in action.
But life sometimes gets in the way. We had moments when work, school, or cost kept us apart on days we really wanted to be together. It hurt, but we knew it wasn’t about a lack of love or effort. Long-distance just comes with built-in obstacles, and showing grace during those times helps keep resentment at bay.
5. Build intimacy with intentionality (and a hint of creativity)
Physical closeness isn’t possible most of the time, and that can be really hard, especially in seasons where emotions are high and comfort feels out of reach. There were days I missed his presence so deeply it felt like an ache.
But we found other ways to feel close. We mailed handwritten letters or cards (sometimes with a little spritz of perfume), sent small surprise packages, swapped a sweater or scarf. These gestures build intimacy and keep your hearts close, even when your hands can’t be.
6. Pray together (it’s vital)
We often prayed a short prayer together before bed. Sometimes a decade of the Rosary. Sometimes just a quiet “Thank you, Lord, for this relationship.” It didn’t need to be fancy – it just needed to be together.
That daily spiritual connection helped us stay grounded. It reminded us that we weren’t doing this alone, and that our love had a higher purpose beyond our own plans. When the COVID lockdowns of 2020 forced us apart for over four months, it was this simple ritual of ours that truly gave us the strength to persevere when we missed each other terribly.
7. Share lives (not control)
One surprisingly helpful habit? Discussing schedules in detail. We knew when we could connect outside of classes or work, or could support each other through everyday events and big moments.
It allowed us to say things like, “I’ll be praying for your presentation!” or “Let’s chat after your shift ends.” It made us feel involved and more present to each other’s lives, commitments, and interests, even from afar.
8. Solidify the commitment (no guessing games)
For us, we dated with marriage in mind, and distance only increased our intentionality. We got engaged six months after meeting – and no, we didn’t take that lightly. Engagement wasn’t the finish line; it was a clear statement to each other and our communities that we were in it for the long haul.
For other couples, this might look different: exclusive dating, meeting each other’s families, or setting clear long-term goals. But defining the relationship is important, especially when distance can create ambiguity.
Knowing we had a shared future gave us something to look forward to—and helped us through the hardest days.
9. You’re not alone (even if it feels that way)
At times, I felt isolated. I didn’t know many other long-distance couples, and I often compared our relationship to the couples around me who went on dates every weekend or posted smiling selfies together on the regular.
But here’s the truth: your love story doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. Long distance doesn’t make your relationship less real, less serious, or less worthy. In fact, it can build many strengths that in-person couples don’t develop until later.
You are not alone. Your love is real. And your story matters.
BONUS: Wedding planning … long-distance
Yes, we planned a wedding from two different states. It wasn’t always easy, but it was possible – and even fun!
We used shared documents for budgeting, to-do lists, and guest tracking. We met up when we could – for venue tours or invitation stuffing. We asked friends and family to help with the local tasks, and we kept each other looped in every step of the way.
A tip: Stay focused on the marriage, not just the event. Whether planned in person or over Google Docs, your wedding is one day. What really lasts is the love you’re building – one call, one letter, one prayer at a time.
Image by Jessica NardiFinal thoughts
Long distance isn’t easy – but it’s also not the end of the world. If you’re in a serious, intentional relationship, distance can actually become the place where deep love is forged.
We didn’t choose long-distance – but we chose each other, over and over again. And looking at the life we’ve built together now, I wouldn’t trade our story for anything.
So if you’re in the middle of a long-distance relationship, or deciding whether to start one, know this: it can work. It can be holy. It can be healthy. And it can be a beautiful chapter in the love story written for you.
